The Case for Hope in 2021: Caring for Our Mind, Body and Spirit During a Pandemic
It’s December 2020, nearly a year since the scourge of COVID-19 took over our world, and just a couple weeks away from a new year.
We try to laugh about how happy we’ll be when 2020 is over, attempting to make light of the pain and trauma we’ve all experienced this year. The trauma we’ve collectively experienced is not only due to COVID, but also due to the proliferation of images highlighting the reign of terror that police have had over Black people in our country literally since slavery. The combination of being shut in and glued to the news has highlighted this issue like never before, prompting a historic movement for Black and Brown lives that matches the outrage, tension and pain of the moment.
However, this post is not about politics or social commentary (though I can go there for sure). It’s about our mental health.
The reason I write about mental illness is because I lost my mother to suicide when I was a teenager, after losing a long-waged battle against her own mental illness. I’m writing a memoir in her memory. This blog is part of my own therapy, while I work things out during the writing process. It’s also my way of adding my voice to so many others who are calling for more empathy, support, and awareness of this issue. My ultimate goal is that people can get the help they need, so that other families don’t suffer the loss that ours did, which has reverberated through our family for 40 years now.
My story is not just about loss, but also about hope.
Hope has been my beacon when times get tough. It’s been my way through. In this season, hope, my faith in God, and therapy are helping me to stay focussed on brighter days ahead.
The pain we are collectively experiencing is real. It’s pervasive and visceral.
As 2020 marched on, dragging us all in its wake, each of us has been impacted in some way. As the death toll marches on, so many of us have lost people this year, either to the virus or otherwise. Others of us have either contracted and recovered from the disease as well, or have had to isolate because of a loved one or co-worker’s illness, which helps us to appreciate life just a bit more. As stay-at-home orders are reenacted, we are in the midst of a holiday season that is preventing us from doing the things we normally do to enjoy our families. It’s also an opportunity to pause and reflect on what really matters. It’s so hard.
The holidays are also a trigger for many who have suffered loss, and can cause depression and withdrawal. This holiday season, I implore you to do whatever you can to take care of yourself. If you are feeling depressed or anxious, get the help you need.
To be honest, I’ve been criticized for being “too nice”, and for my ability to see the glass as half-full, no matter what. But I no longer care what people think. It took me a very very long time to get to that point!
For me, tapping into optimism and hope is a well-cultivated skill, born of adversity. It’s a huge part of my faith life. If I didn’t have evidence of how God cares for and loves me, in spite of the challenges I’ve faced, I would be a different person. If I didn’t have good things to look forward to, I could allow pain and loss to swallow me up.
This is where danger of suicide resides — when one no longer can hope.
ENTERING 2021 WITH HOPE
In order to cultivate more hope for the future, it’s important to learn how to spend more time looking forward more than looking at the past. Of course, the impact of loss will always be there. There’s no way to erase the pain of the past. On the other hand, having something to look forward to in the future can help, because as we know, “what you focus on expands”.
Reevaluate and up your level of self-care and self-love. Go beyond the surface. Go deep and focus on how to heal. Self-care is not just about getting massages, bubble baths or going on long walks, although all of those things are good to enjoy.
Self-care, especially around our mental and emotional health, is as essential as nourishing food, water, exercise and air. Self-care includes doing what you can to embrace hope for the future. Prayer, meditation, therapy, healing practices like yoga and breath work, and surrounding ourselves with positive people who love us no matter what, are some of the things that we can add to our lives. Putting ourselves first when it seems impossible is not just an idea, it’s imperative.
If this is a tough time for you, don’t isolate. Focus on positive, nurturing relationships. In this case, quality is much more important than quantity. Who are those family, friends and loved ones that help you feel seen, heard and valued? Be sure to invest in those relationships. Sometimes the best support systems are found in unexpected places.
As we look forward to 2021, we know that life isn’t going to change instantly when the ball drops at 12 am New Year’s Day. But there are positive things that can allow us to embrace hope again. COVID-19 is still with us, but it won’t always be in control of our lives. The losses we suffered this year are real.